Thug Life Crayons

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Jenny McCoy

This is a sketch I wrote for my SNL sketch writing class. The premise: crayons can live that thug life too. After the sketch, check out the animated version that a classmate made for me. Sometimes I wish I could make animations like that, but most times I know that if I could make animations like that I would do very little else in my free time. Votes on whether or not I should learn how to make animations like that?
THUG LIFE – Green Crayon, Purple Crayon

(OPEN ON: Green Crayon and Purple Crayon
talking on street near graffiti wall)

GREEN CRAYON
You looking tinted, brah. I know you fucks with
my girlfriend.

PURPLE CRAYON
Oh yeah. Cuz you’re the ONLY one Red been
with. I’m sorry, but ya girl’s a slut.

GREEN CRAYON
I’ll crack you in half, brah. Watch your step.

(Purple pulls out a lighter)

PURPLE CRAYON
Step to that, brah. Even if I did. What you
going to do about it?

(MORE)

GREEN CRAYON
I’ll put your ass put back in the box.
PURPLE CRAYON
Do it. I run that box.
GREEN CRAYON
Good. You be back soon. I know you did that.

(Green Crayon points at purple phallic
graffiti image)

PURPLE CRAYON
Nah, brah. Wasn’t me. You ‘bout to land
Lavender in lockup. Not me.

GREEN CRAYON
Yeah, right brah. Lavender don’t fucks
with graffiti. Lavender fucks with
knitting and shit.

PURPLE CRAYON
You racist, brah. School time. I gotta step.
Tell Red I say “Hi.”
(Purple Crayon falls to the ground
and rolls away)

 


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Facebook Baby Adoption App: A Sketch

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Jenny McCoy

I’m currently in week five of an SNL writing class. Our first assignment was a commercial parody. Here’s what I came up with:

FACEBOOK ADOPTION – Announcer, Betsy

(OPEN ON: Man in suit in home setting)

ANNOUNCER
Tired of updating Facebook with witty
status updates, thought-provoking “About Me’s”
and fake birthdays, only to get trumped
by BABIES?! Man, do I have a solution for YOU…
Virtual Life’s Facebook Baby Adoption
App! All that stands between you and
a mailbox FULL of notifications is a
few clicks and a few more keystrokes.
But don’t just take it from me…

(CUT TO: Woman at computer in home setting
with man in suit in frame)

BETSY
For the longest I just couldn’t get nobody
to “like” my updates. I’d write real interestin’ things
like, “Goin’ to the store! Hope I don’t see Bill!”
an’ people would just skim right over and start
likin’ more of them stupid baby pictures.
(MORE)
BETSY
One time, I even changed “Interested In” and that
STILL didn’t catch nobody’s attention. Well, ‘cept
for Bill. He was concerned.
(CUT TO: Man in suit next to woman at computer)

ANNOUNCER
But then Betsy installed our Facebook Adoption App,
and well, LIKE isn’t a strong enough word. She LOVED
what she saw.

BETSY
It was so easy! I just installed the Facebook adoption app
an’ all of a sudden my profile started updatin’ with things
like, “So tired. Just got home from the park and still gotta
get to the grocery. Looks like I might miss Idol tonight…
:( :( :( !!!” An’ man, my notifications started blowin’ up!
I ain’t seen that much online action since my last birthday!
I even got people who I don’t know friending me!

ANNOUNCER
So take it from Betsy and install our Facebook adoption
app today! New friends and TONS of “likes” are just a few
clicks away! Just visit Facebook.com/AdoptionApp!


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#Goodbye @mtvnews, Hello New Chapter

Posted on June 7, 2011 by Jenny McCoy

 

Yesterday was my last day at MTV News. Today is my vacation. Tomorrow I start at Arnold Worldwide, the first NYC company I ever interviewed with.

Below is my “goodbye” email, which attempts to encompass both gratitude and excitement. Below that, is just a reminder that MTV’s Twitter Jockey, Ms. Gabi Gregg, voted me BEST DANCER for my original dance, “Walking through the China shop.” And below that is an extra thanks for you guys.

First, thank you all for an amazing year and in particular, thank you Mr. Goldner for giving me the golden ticket.

Not only is this one of the coolest places to work, but now a lot of people on Facebook think I’ve actually become cool and the trustees at my college give me shout outs at alumni events because they think I have tons of cash – so please don’t tell them that MTV is run by nerds and Snooki has all the money.

I’m going to miss tons of things about this gig:

  1. Getting nice DMs from Snoop Dogg
  2. Getting mean DMs from Justin Bieber
  3. Awkwardly gazing into Caleb Followill’s eyes and then being introduced as “Megan” #THANKSJAMES #hesmarriednow
  4. Launching Facebook campaigns to encourage the Lodge to serve waffle fries less often
  5. Tourists taking horse pictures
  6. Canada jokes in the morning meeting
  7. YOU PEOPLE
  8. YOU PEOPLE
  9. YOU PEOPLE

Despite being stoked for the new opp at Arnold Worldwide,* your awesomeness is the reason I spent a couple nights walking around listening to “Ode To Family” before I put in my notice. That song doesn’t even make sense, but it sounds really sad so I just imagined that they were talking about quitting a job where you work with really awesome people to go tackle a new internet challenge.

So thank you again for all of your support, enthusiasm and tweets. You made it a really great and fun year.

And please, keep me on the distro list for birthday parties and any other events where a) you people get together and b) there’s also beer there.

My apologies in advance for not having more ways for you to keep up with me on the internet:

Twitter! @jen_mccoy

Tumblr! Jenmccoy.tumblr.com

Blog! Jenmccoy.com

Other blog! Dogsshittingonsidewalks.com

Other other blog! FuckYeahZachG.Tumblr.com

Other other other blog! BoyToyBrad.com (he’s going to wake up soon)

Jenny

P.S. If it helps fill the void, you can still email me RT requests, and I’ll do them from @jen_mccoy.

P.P.S. I will not miss getting DMs from Pauly D because I have that boy on my personal Twitter too, #hollar!

*If anyone can help me learn how to pronounce “worldwide” before Wednesday, that’d be amazing. Right now it sounds more like “whirlwhy?”

 

 

Thank you to everyone who’s helped me get here. Mom, Dad, Kev, bosses, coworkers, internet people who still read this blog for some reason, Biz Stone, Mark Zuckerberg. You get it. And promises that I’ll have at least one post per week from now on. It may be written through the voice of a teddy bear, but that’s what you signed up for, right?

 


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Can Someone Steal My Jokes And Tell Me How Much They Go For On EBay?

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Jenny McCoy

If you write a blog that’s occasionally funny, people will tell you to try stand-up. It’s really just a correlation/causation mishap, but when enough people tell you this, you might go to a two-minute open mic. You’re even more likely to do this after a company-sponsored open bar. I just killed the drunk bowling scene. Stand-up, you’re next.

And what you might find is that the comic scene is mostly male. And so you might also find that despite taking the mic and saying “I’m nervous so I’m going to sit in the corner” and then reciting ten one-liners that were previously tweets, these men will still come up to you and say, “You did great! I love your style.”

And you will be confused, because you do not have a style. But you like that these men are telling you these nice things so you start to think, “That was not absolutely horrible. Maybe I will try it again.”

And so you resolve, “Yes, yes, I will try it again. They liked me.”

And then days go by and maybe you go to a few more open mics and you put your name on the list and as your name rises to the top you decide more along the lines of, “Actually, I think I’ll just watch. Hey, can you just cross my name off? I’m actually cool just sitting this one out.”

And then maybe you become a little more determined. You start studying and studying because really, if the things that make people giggle in the elevator will make several people giggle at the bar, then maybe this whole “career” thing wouldn’t be necessary. Maybe you just act like your hyper, nervous, borderline autistic self and people will really like it.

I guess what I’m saying is, I know this girl who might be doing this. And no, I can’t tell you where or what nights. It’s kind of a secret and when I get nervous I START TO WHISPER!

P.S. In other news, I’m going to give someone $50 for taking pictures of dog poop. I ran a little contest so that some Brooklyn blogs would send me some traffic and sure I only got two entries, but I don’t see that as a testament that people really don’t care about dogs shitting on sidewalks. I take it as a testament that what I’m doing actually involves a great amount of skill. I’m talented, not irrelevant!


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Coma Popularity (By Type)

Posted on March 29, 2011 by Jenny McCoy


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