This is a sketch I wrote for my SNL sketch writing class. The premise: YouTube animal stars catch the collective attention of the internet for just a few short days or weeks. That must be a lot to deal with. In this sketch, issues stemming from their sudden and brief fame are discussed on a talk show.
(OPEN ON: Host in front of audience)
HOST
Welcome back! Today we’re talking with the owners of some of the Internet’s most popular animals. And we’re finding out that millions of YouTube views can cause more than laughs and emails… it can also cause your animal to develop a personality disorder. You’ll recognize our next guest by her boots alone…
(CUT TO: Image of green rain boots on large screen)
HOST
Yes, it’s true. Cinders, the pig who is afraid of mud, is back stage. Let’s bring her out. Please welcome Cinders and her owner, Maggie!
(CUT TO: Maggie walks out. Cinders is carried in by two handlers. She’s wearing a “Mud Sucks!”
t-shirt and bedazzled rain boots. )
HOST
Welcome, welcome. Have a seat.
MAGGIE
Thanks, Jim. It’s great to be here.
HOST
Great to have you. Now, Maggie. Tell me about Cinders. I hear she’s had a little trouble adjusting to all of her YouTube attention?
MAGGIE
It’s true. It all started when we realized she’s afraid of mud. We made her rain boots to help her get around and after watching her, we thought, “Hell, this is cute!” So we got out the Flip-Cam and uploaded a video to YouTube.
HOST
And then?
MAGGIE
And then the video just blew up! Reporters started showing up at the farm every day to get a look at Cinders. And soon after, we noticed a big change in her attitude.
HOST
Well, she’s a pig, how different could she be?
MAGGIE
Won’t wear the same pair of boots twice.
HOST
Well, that’s a little ridiculous, don’t you think?
MAGGIE
Of course. But we can’t have an immobile pig!
HOST
So you have a new pair of rain boots waiting for her every morning?
MAGGIE
Sometimes she forgets. But almost every morning, yes. We’ve also been bedazzling her boots. She’ll wear the fancy ones more than once.
HOST
And the shirt?
MAGGIE
A fan sent one in and we thought it was cute. Now it’s the same as the boots. Won’t wear the same one twice.
HOST
Any particular type of t-shirt?
MAGGIE
Has to be anti-mud.
HOST
Doctor Smite, have some advice for Maggie?
DOCTOR SMITE
Well Maggie, you have to start with the mud phobia. A pig just can’t be afraid of mud. And to be honest with you, I think Cinders is really taking advantage of the situation. Cinders, what do you have to say?
(Cinders stares in silence)
DOCTOR SMITE
Nothing. See? You can’t encourage that attitude.
HOST
How can Maggie help Cinders get over the phobia?
DOCTOR SMITE
Well, I’d ease her into it with some fudgesicles.
That will get her used to the color. They’re delicious. Next time she’s sees mud she might run and take a bite.
HOST
And if that doesn’t work?
DOCTOR SMITE
Mud squirt guns. Call her name and bam! Mud blast. Tip toe time is over.
HOST
Maggie, can you commit to this?
MAGGIE
I don’t have much choice. I can’t keep buying these damn boots and rhinestones.
HOST
Good! Well, we thank you for coming on today and we hope Cinders makes a quick recovery! But if not, put up some more videos, eh?
(CUT TO: Close-up on host)
Well, we’re going to take a quick break, but stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a few minutes with Denver the guilty dog.
