Editor’s note: Here’s what’s happening. I spent two years building this blog. It helped get me a sweet NYC job. Now, I’m figuring out which direction I should take with it – post-by-post. Thanks for sticking around.

I saw several stupid outfits on the L train this morning.

For those familiar with the Brooklyn area serviced by the L train, this is not news.

Today, these stupid outfits included a train conductor jacket.

Sometimes 6-foot unicycles are involved.

I appreciate variety and silliness, but I’m saddened by the wasteland of mediocrity represented in so many L train fashion choices.

Want to wear a train conductor’s jacket? Let’s hear your best “All aboard!”

Want to ride a 6-foot unicycle? Throw on some face paint.

I’ve been there before.

I once was obsessed with micro pigs. Rather than fill my closet with an assortment of pig adorned thrift store sweaters, I bought a pig suit and some lingerie and lived my dream.

So let’s see it, Williamsburg. Live your dream. Or more simply, commit to the bit.

I haven’t posted recently. I’m on a four-hour train from Boston to NYC.

I’m halfway home.

First, let’s catch up.

Never trust an adult man wearing track pants.

Witnessed: a woman ordering half a bottle of wine and a Snickers bar.

Three times. That’s how many plays of Pulp’s “Common People” are ironically funny while sitting in coach.

9:16 p.m. – I’m out of wine. Brb.

9:44 p.m. – Not much has happened since I returned with wine. I did witness a business class man receive a threat from the conductor at the bar, though.

9:45 p.m. – Ooo! Spotify turned back on. Now playing: Weezer “Island In The Sun” Heh hehhh!

9:46 p.m. – This song is great. I’m throwing Yeezy looks/shoulders.

9:47 p.m. – Yeezy would not approve of this.

9:48 p.m. – Sorry, I was just trying to make up for lost time with those last couple posts. Oh Jesus, this song is on replay. Brb.

9:49 p.m. – How does that even happen? Spotify, you’re smarter than this.

9:50 p.m. – So, what has happened now, is that I’ve only been posting one thought per update. So, now it’s actually 9:49. I’m writing from the future. I’ll Brb when you catch up.

9:58 p.m. – See, this is why I was planning ahead before. The goddamn guy with a dog just walked by again. Why is this happening?

10:06 p.m. – Blerg.

10: 09 p.m. – The National starts playing on Spotify radio, specifically “Slow Show.”

10:10 p.m. – Replay for the remainder of the trip?

10:11 p.m. – YOU KNOW I’VE DREAMED ABOUT YOU. FOR 29 YEARS. BEFORE I SAW YOU.

10:12 p.m. – 1st replay.

10:13 p.m. – Just saw a puppy pic on FB. Suddenly I’m torn.

10:14 p.m. – PUT ON A SLOWED DOWN SHOW FOR YOU. CRACK YOU UP.

10:15 p.m. – Maybe I could own a puppy.

10:16 p.m. – My wine lipstick is pretty.

10:17 p.m. – What kind of puppy, though?

10:18 p.m. – There’s no way this guy dreamed about her for 29 years before he saw her.

10:15 p.m – Sorry, I was writing ahead again. We’re now at a stop. Also, the woman behind me has an insane case of hiccups. Jersey in the house. Let’s go back to the guy talking about meeting someone 29 years before he saw her. That was more pleasant.

10:20 p.m. – He’s still talking about missing her for 29 years. Replay.

10:25 p.m. – I have been sucked into The National’s discography. Good night, all.

10:28 p.m. – I’m back. What if I could BE a puppy instead of owning one?

Had I known Netflix was planning to add ‘Felicity’ to its streaming offering, I would have remained a Blockbuster loyalist forever.

Don’t get me wrong, I love ‘Felicity.’ But similar to Siri, I am well aware that this could be black hole for me.

That’s why, after squealing through the first 40 minutes of season one, I decided to bring in some backup. Lots of backup. An entire internet of backup.

Here’s the deal. On February 19 at 9 p.m. ET, I will host the first edition of a new weekly Netflix viewing party and live chat dedicated to the greatest love triangle of our time.

Place: The internet (follow @felicityparty and check the blog for a post-episode recap that will include the best live tweets)

Attire: Your pajamas

Still not sure? Throw in this incentive: both Noel (Scott Foley) and Ben (Scott Speedman) are active Twitter users. That’s right, whether you’re #TeamNoel or #TeamBen, you have an opportunity to make your teenage dreams come true (as long are you’re willing to reconcile the dream of a real relationship with the reality of a sympathetic tweet) (I am).

Tell your friends. It’s gonna be a #FelicityParty.

Prepare yourself. I have created (another) new blog.

This makes number 18 on the Tumblr side.

I will not be held accountable for the actions I take when given no restrictions.

Tumblr keeps saying, “Want to start a new blog?”

And I do. So I keep starting them. And maybe the majority live a quiet, unfulfilled existence, devoid of their promised fame.

“YOU are different. YOU are not like my other blogs. I will not forget about YOU. YOU, are my ticket.”

This one is different.

Check it out and watch for more daily insights on my new-found interest in fashion: http://IDressedMyselfToday.Tumblr.com

I’ve made it to open mic #19. Things are getting less weird, so that’s something, right?

Here are some of the things I’m working on:

‘Of Mice And Men’ And Me

‘Of Mice And Men’ serves as a nice parallel for the four chaotic years I spent on the dating scene. You see, there’s Jenny, who’s awesome at dating because she really doesn’t care about the outcome, and then there’s Lenny, who likes to kill any opportunity for a relationship.

Here’s an example:

Jenny would drink five IPAs before speed dating.

Lenny likes to send “Happy Monday! ” text messages.

Darwin Awards Resume

This may sound conceited, but I’ve started working on my resume for the Darwin Awards.

Here are a couple of my qualifications:

1989 – 1990: As a four-year-old, I occasionally enjoyed eating sand. By myself. It tasted like salt. Try it. The real takeaway here though, is that nothing is weird when you’re by yourself.

1990 – 2006: During this 16-year gap of time, I thought that the vending machine said “END,” not “vEND.” It’s tricky. Why just one lowercase letter? Anyway, I thought I was getting the last one. Every single time. I was really lucky is what I’m trying to say.

Dog Shit Analytics

As many of you know, I have a blog, DogsShittingOnSidewalks.com, that captures the fun of NYC dogs shitting on sidewalks. It’s funny when you’re from a place where dogs don’t do that. Anyway, you could say the blog never really picked up. I get less than 20 visits per day. But low traffic has never stopped me from obsessing over site analytics. One particular item stood out the last time I checked these stats, though. I noticed I was getting organic traffic for the Google search for “dog shit.” This made me very excited, because as a former SEO nerd, I know that very few people make it past the first page of Google search results.

“Holy shit! I’m ranking for ‘dog shit’! That’s great!” I thought.

And then I did a search for the phrase.

Not on page one.

Not on page two.

Not on page 20.

Halfway through page two the results get into some pretty disgusting things. So that’s that company I’ve attracted to my site.

My First Children’s Book

I started writing a children’s book called, “Bipolar Penguin” over the weekend.

I was at my local bar, getting ready to go out, when I wrote the first line:

Bipolar penguin is sad, but bipolar penguin should be sad because he walks stupid.

Writing this line was especially fun because I wrote it right as the bar started blasting “Have A Little Faith In Me.”

That’s all I’ve got for now. Open mic #20, coming up.

It’s normal to already have a costume in mind for 2012, right?

Well, regardless, here are a couple pics of this year’s fun: the sexy pig.

It was meant to poke fun at the female tradition of using Halloween as an excuse to wear lingerie in public. The humor seemed to only hit with people who already share this view, as evidenced by the dialogue below.

“What are you? - girl

“I’m a sexy pig.” - me

“Ohhhhh! Everyone just thinks you’re in a robe with underwear over it [giggle, giggle].” – girl

Halloween is just a set up for creatives to do a booze-fuled victory lap.

Come up with a crazy, hilarious idea and then wear it all night? Yes, please. Oh, and I get to drink beer too? Even better.

That said, one day a year and a handful of theme parties just isn’t enough for me.

I want more. And I want to give back to the universe a little bit.*

And so I announce my newest side project: HalloweenCostumeConsulting.com.

It will be up soon. Maybe tonight.

After all, this is my “busy” season.

For now, though, here’s an overview of my resume:

2010: Kool-Aid Man

2009: Cookie Monster

2008: Penguin/Sexy Strawberry Shortcake

*Is it still considered “giving back to the universe” if you collect a fee?

Side projects are what I name ideas that should have been briefly discussed and quickly forgotten but instead, they become domain purchases and weekend obsessions.

Here’s an update on the side projects I’ve got running been paying GoDaddy to host:

MakeThePigDance.com
Did you know adult pig costumes are available on Amazon for $100? (I know!) So, I have one now. And I’m working on this site. The dream: Dance in my pig suit in Times Square. Drive people to tweet song recommendations to @makethepigdance and then allow them to see their requests via live video. Halloween is being considered a soft-launch for this project.

Hahahahahh.com
The dream: none. I just thought it would be fun to put this on my personal business card and then get to explain, “So, it’s three hah’s… yeah, just H-A-H… but the last one has two h’s…”

BoyToyBrad.com (v. 1.1)
I had a bit of fun with Brad’s blog when I set it up in 2010, but then I moved to NYC a month later and well, I had to worry about things like rent and hot water and seeing how often I could have the pleasure of speaking with my landlord. Brad will be coming back soon. I’ve written nine or ten recurring themes, so as soon as I map out a few of the connections between his childhood and adulthood, he’ll be blogging again.

WillAnyoneHireARobot.com
I’ve decided that Brad will be seeking employment soon at establishments like McDonald’s and Burger King. That said, he doesn’t speak, so how can he get through stage two of the interview process? Text-to-speech. I’ll be recording these anyway so I might as well repurpose them to see which fast food chain will invite a robot to stage three.

DogsShittingOnSidewalks.com
This site is not especially current right now, but the dream still stands: motivate New Yorkers to take pics of dogs shitting on sidewalks and submit them to my Tumblr with location details, then create a dynamic map of the areas in NYC that have the most sidewalk shitters.

I’m sure there are more. I do own over 25 domains now. But these are the “really exciting” ones for now.

It was a normal Tuesday evening.

I went for a run. Heated 200 calories of condensed, sodium-infested frozen food. Did a load of laundry.

You know, the things that make suburbians totally jealous of my crazy lifestyle.

And then it happened. I saw a large black shape in my peripheral.

First thought, “IS THAT A GORILLA?”

Apple, it pains me to admit, but your horrible auto-correct has never lead me as astray as my brain did just 18 hours ago.

Please email chip to me.

Recap: 1. Walking on Brooklyn sidewalk. 2. Notice dark shape in peripheral. 3. FIRST THOUGHT: Gorilla. 4. HELP ME.

Yesterday was my last day at MTV News. Today is my vacation. Tomorrow I start at Arnold Worldwide, the first NYC company I ever interviewed with.

Below is my “goodbye” email, which attempts to encompass both gratitude and excitement. Below that, is just a reminder that MTV’s Twitter Jockey, Ms. Gabi Gregg, voted me BEST DANCER for my original dance, “Walking through the China shop.” And below that is an extra thanks for you guys.

First, thank you all for an amazing year and in particular, thank you Mr. Goldner for giving me the golden ticket.

Not only is this one of the coolest places to work, but now a lot of people on Facebook think I’ve actually become cool and the trustees at my college give me shout outs at alumni events because they think I have tons of cash – so please don’t tell them that MTV is run by nerds and Snooki has all the money.

I’m going to miss tons of things about this gig:

1. Getting nice DMs from Snoop Dogg
2. Getting mean DMs from Justin Bieber
3. Awkwardly gazing into Caleb Followill’s eyes and then being introduced as “Megan” #THANKSJAMES #hesmarriednow
4. Launching Facebook campaigns to encourage the Lodge to serve waffle fries less often
5. Tourists taking horse pictures
6. Canada jokes in the morning meeting
7. YOU PEOPLE
8. YOU PEOPLE
9. YOU PEOPLE

Despite being stoked for the new opp at Arnold Worldwide,* your awesomeness is the reason I spent a couple nights walking around listening to “Ode To Family” before I put in my notice. That song doesn’t even make sense, but it sounds really sad so I just imagined that they were talking about quitting a job where you work with really awesome people to go tackle a new internet challenge.

So thank you again for all of your support, enthusiasm and tweets. You made it a really great and fun year.

And please, keep me on the distro list for birthday parties and any other events where a) you people get together and b) there’s also beer there.

My apologies in advance for not having more ways for you to keep up with me on the internet:

Twitter! @jen_mccoy

Tumblr! Jenmccoy.tumblr.com

Blog! Jenmccoy.com

Other blog! Dogsshittingonsidewalks.com

Other other blog! FuckYeahZachG.Tumblr.com

Other other other blog! BoyToyBrad.com (he’s going to wake up soon)

Jenny

P.S. If it helps fill the void, you can still email me RT requests, and I’ll do them from @jen_mccoy.

P.P.S. I will not miss getting DMs from Pauly D because I have that boy on my personal Twitter too, #hollar!

*If anyone can help me learn how to pronounce “worldwide” before Wednesday, that’d be amazing. Right now it sounds more like “whirlwhy?”

 

Thank you to everyone who’s helped me get here. Mom, Dad, Kev, bosses, coworkers, internet people who still read this blog for some reason, Biz Stone, Mark Zuckerberg. You get it. And promises that I’ll have at least one post per week from now on. It may be written through the voice of a teddy bear, but that’s what you signed up for, right?