Sometimes I go to bars to practice talking. But sometimes I just go for delish tap brew and a less comfortable seat.

That said, occasionally I get into these situations where I think I’m just having a fun conversation but then the guy thinks he needs my number.

This is problematic, primarily because our continued conversation signals to all other prospective males that tryouts are closed and I thought we were still in the first round of cuts.

Unlike middle school, there’s no list. No simple way to passively say, “I really liked when the barstool next to me was empty” without it somehow coming out as, “I’m a superficial asshole.”

But I may have a fix.

Our first two t-shirts did not exactly fly off our virtual shelves.

So this week, in our ongoing attempt to become hundredaires and fund our reunion with Jenny the Bloggess, we’re offering a t-shirt that will appeal to a segment of readers with plenty of disposable income: the empty nest invaders.

Real T-Shirts You Can Buy, Week 3: A Tribute to the Special Roommates

Yes, you have a full-time job. You probably have a degree. But you’re living at home. Kicking it with the rentals.

Why? Because you are smart. Your parents promised you a lava lamp. They promised to let you play your music as loud as you want.

To let you curse.

And most importantly, they promised to not charge half your paycheck just so you can go to sleep each night. Put yo hands up if you don’t pay no electricity bills. Keep ‘em up if you microwave your mom’s leftovers during lunch.

Now take out that debit card and place your t-shirt order. Because really, what else do you have to spend your money on?