Drinking beers poolside can lead to deep philosophical conversation. We may not have solved world hunger completely, but with R.B.’s help, I now know how to get fast food into my stomach with greater efficiency.

(Please refer to my Beer Drinking as it Relates to Intelligence Bell Curve for Additional Insight.)

The Problem: Fast Food Multitasking Leads to Both Delayed and Incorrect Order Fulfillment (a.k.a. World Hunger)

“What would you like?” – asks the Dunkin’ Donuts Donut Specialist.
“Can I get one chocolate frosted, one glazed…”

As you mention your second request, the Donut Specialist begins to multitask, often just out of normal speaking range. His multitasking ensures an 87% chance that you will need to repeat all secondary requests after the first item is placed in your branded paper bag.

Now, you have two choices.

1) Continue to rattle off your order while the Donut Specialist fulfills Item #1. By choosing this option, you acknowledge that “and a medium coffee, skim milk and two Splenda” will be spoken a minimum of two more times.
2) Implement R.B.’s Guide to Successful Fast Food Orders (a.k.a The Solution): “You order one item at a time. You wait until they put it in the system and when they say, “That’ll be $2.56. Can I get you anything else today?” you continue with the next item in your order. Just go on like that until you’ve ordered everything. They’ll act like you’re a complete pain in the ass, but you’ll get everything you order.” – R.B. Hirsch, November 22, 2009

Brilliant. And I thought old people at restaurants ordered like this because their full lives have made them human cocktails of forgetfulness and irrationality. My bad.

I’m an embarrassment to humanity when the Cupid Shuffle comes on.

I love that shit.

Conversations end immediately, beer drops to priority #2 and I enter “bar on fire” sprint mode upon hearing the first few beats.

Let me tell you.

When Cupid shuffles through my iPod buds during evening runs, my body is thrown into an all out struggle.

For years, this left me confused. How could just one girl have so much love for just one dance?

And then, during a recent e-convo (what up Facebook chat) with a friend, the reason for my infatuation with moving around in this particular choreographed circle was revealed.

The Cupid Shuffle is the hybrid dance for white people.

It’s no secret that white folks are a little challenged when it comes to pairing sound and body motion.

But like all stereotypes; there are exceptions.

Fortunately though, Cupid was kind enough to give white folks a dance that keeps the rhythm-less gleefully kicking and moving side-to-side (See Exhibit A), while offering the more superior dance floor occupant with a stage to showcase his/her best moves every 30 seconds (See Exhibit B).

Exhibit A

To da leffft, to da leffft, to da left da left da left



Exhibit B

Now walk it by yaself, now walk it by yaself



Exhibit C

Irresistible Cupid Shuffle Venn Diagram