Folding laundry is suburban torture. So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that it’s only $1 more to have my laundry washed, dried and folded than to do it myself.
The catch: I have to travel to Asia to do so.
Here’s a recap of my recent trip:
“I’d like this load to be washed and air dried.”
“Yes. Wash dry,” responded the laundry specialist at Happy Cleaners.
“No, it needs to be AIR dried. Not dried,” I desperately confirmed.
“Wash not dry. Eight dollar,” she replied.
I walked away with the same level of confidence a parrot once gave a starving man named Polly.
I wondered how you can own a business that requires you to respond to 15-20 social situations and then mess one up. I wondered how you can own a business that most people can only access before and after work and hold bankers’ hours. In short, I wondered why I’m not in the laundry business.
Lady Gaga. PBR. Laundry. Tell me you’re still going to Asia and I’ll tell you who’s a liar.
There’s a problem of course. You need money to start a laundry business. Oh, but worry not. I have plans for that.
IDEA #1: I Kinda Like NY (dot com)
It’s no secret that I have an unhealthy obsession with t-shirts. I want to sell them. I’ve tried to sell them. But this time, I’m taking it to the streets. I mentioned the idea to a friend over beers and he chimed in with the perfect design idea. I made a requisite purchase from GoDaddy. We’re just a site launch and a few t-shirt purchases away from spending weekends drinking beer for lunch and selling t-shirts all afternoon.
IDEA #2: High Fives Are NOT Free. They’re $1.
I went bowling this week. One of those “Hey, half our team can’t make it. Come fill in!” situations that was followed by “Oh, well looks like everyone showed up! You can still hang out though!” So I sat and I watched, mostly fascinated with Justin Bieber’s music videos. But team or no team, I felt compelled to celebrate these strangers’ abilities. I took cues from others. I threw up my hand. But again and again, I was left out of the high five club.
“WHAT THE HELL?!” I asked, no, I demanded.
“Your high five isn’t visible enough,” critiqued my “teammate.”
“Ah, god. This is just like hailing cabs,” I said, giving examples of my poor cab-hailing form.
A turn later, this same man, apparently a bowling phenom did something worthy of yet another high five. But I was over it.
“Oh so, now you aren’t going to try at all?” He asked.
“No. My high fives aren’t free anymore.” I responded.
He laughed, and as he dismissed the social situation, I made business plans.
I’m taking this to the streets too. Beer for lunch. Homemade sign. A day of fun. Who’s in? High five! Gotcha!
IDEA #3: Boston Terrier Puppy Video Review Site
The dog-to-person ratio in Park Slope is approx 2:1. This makes me want one. This is not allowed yet. So I’ve been improvising. When I’m out for walks, I’ll walk right on the heels of a dog owner. Who’s dog is it? You don’t know! That’s my dog! This only works during the daytime of course. So my nighttime improve involves a little YouTube searching for “Boston Terrier puppies.” There’s one problem though: not all Boston Terrier puppy videos are created equally. That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to separate the good from the bad, the cute from the ugly and more. Here are a few examples of my pro bono work:
(Please click the link above so you’ll know what the hell I’m talking about.)
Toby’s owner wants him to ‘play dead.’ Toby is not having that shit. A source close to Toby released this statement shortly after the video was released online, “Bitch, Imma make YOU play dead.” Attempts for follow-up questions have been unsuccessful because unfortunately Toby complied with the request after the video stopped rolling. R.I.P. Toby.
Overall rating: 4/5
“Boston Terrier Puppy Eating Breakfast”
(Please click the link above so you’ll know what the hell I’m talking about.)
This video had great potential. Unfortunately, it is missing a crucial component: owner involvement. Recommended audio: “[NAME], look at you! You sure look hungry. [NAME] are you hungry? Awee. Little [NAME] loves his breakfast. [NAME] you love your breakfast don’t you?”
Overall rating: 2/5
More. Coming. Soon.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
You have to make the high five visible to all… its like, a rule of high fiving.
Very funny post. I would follow you on twitter, but your link on the ‘About’ page doesn’t work. I could always send you an email and ask…oh wait…the email on the ‘About’ page doesn’t work either….hmmm
To be honest, I am not that great a person, the fake twitter and email were probably a good idea.
Ok…off to wallow in self pity…or have a light snack.
I’m totally lost on these high-fiving rules as well…