Best Idea Ever: Bathroom Express Lane

I’d rather give booze money to a bum than tip someone for handing me a paper towel, and this sentiment increases with alcohol.

But sentiment aside, I have a way to give bar restroom attendants a real job  and solve a problem that plagues women worldwide.

First, the problem.

As you know, chivalry meets a quick death when bladders need emptying. Men will open doors. They’ll pay for dinner. But when it’s time to pee, this is our area and that is your line.

And so, women protect their bladders by crossing their legs and shifting their weight. They make promises to be “real quick” and then re-do their mascara and make plans for next weekend.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Now, the solution: Bathroom Express Lane

We filter the needs from the wants on highways, so why not do this in bathroom lines?

Need to put on a new face and talk about which guy has a cuter outfit? Stay where you’re at.

Seriously contemplating squatting in the alley? Give me $2 and come right this way. Paper towels included.


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16 Responses to Best Idea Ever: Bathroom Express Lane

  1. Matt says:

    Where I live, the express lanes are free so long as you are carpooling with someone.

    Not sure if that same concept applies here in your idea, I’m just saying… bring a friend? Or not. Probably not actually… Just, nevermind.

    • Jenny says:

      I guess everything is a magnetic strip away in South Florida.

      So girls already bring friends… not to save time/fuel though.. to waste it.

  2. Just a thought you should also get discounts if it’s a group of girls who can fit in one stall TOGETHER. ……Jenny, Party of two?

  3. Ken says:

    So women wait in line for the bathroom, when they don’t need to use the toilet? I’m sorry, but you ladies are on your own.

    • Jenny says:

      Most women do. I generally go against this idiotic rule and honestly answer “no” when another female asks if I’d like to go to the bathroom with her. I always frequently spend Friday and Saturday evenings on my couch though.

  4. Cori Padgett says:

    OOOOhhhhhh! If only we had bathroom express lanes! Can’t tell you how many times I would have killed and maimed for that! LOL

    xoxo
    C

  5. moooooog35 says:

    This would be a GREAT idea if there weren’t so many discount coupons for adult diapers.

    You can go anywhere with them.

    Literally.

  6. Siddhartha says:

    That’s what I like about you Jenny, always keeping your eye out for a way to improve the world.

    While I don’t think it’s ever been applied to bathrooms the model you’ve described is called Freemium; the basic version is free but often annoyingly inadequate, or you can become a “premium” member and get something really useful.

  7. JR Moreau says:

    I would give someone a dollar to get my back while peeing in public too… a dollar is cheaper than lawyer feeds for an indecent exposure charge!

    • Jenny McCoy says:

      We need to live in the same city. I’ll get your back as long as you’ll help me sneak into the men’s room. Wait, I guess if you could do that you would just go and leave me standing there, like the rest of the men folk.

  8. ashley says:

    Paleease can they make this. it would be like the frequent flyer security line for “frequent pee-ers” they could also have a pee requirement meter like the height requirement things at amusement parks. It would be like “I have to pee but I also want to text my hookup on the toilet.” (slow line) “I have to Pee but you couldn’t pay me to go in an alley (slow line). ” I have to pee so badly that if you gave handed me a depends id be totally cool with it.” you could also measure their gotta go-ness level with facial expressions, but that could get messy.

    ill help you lobby this to congress..

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