Sometimes I’m so weird that I don’t want to hang out with myself.
Like last week, I dropped my concealer next to my sink and rather than pick it up, I promised myself I’d get 10 points if I remembered it the next day.
Okay, I’ll blame that one on foursquare.
I mean, you can’t start giving me points for going to work and telling me that I’m the mayor of my company without consequences. Now I don’t want to do anything unless I get points. Like this blog post, it’s worth 25 points. It’s a problem.
There’s more.
Last night I set the Sleep Cycle application on my phone. It monitors your movement and wakes you up during your lightest sleep mode within 30 minutes of your alarm time. Sounds good, right? Well, this morning I woke up naturally and realized I was likely in the motion-monitored time frame so I lay motionless until the soothing harp began to play, despite my urgent need to urinate.
This afternoon I googled “ninjas in Chicago.”
This evening I saw a family leaving the Sears portrait studio and I made plans to take Boy Toy Brad in for couples shots.
On the way home, a song told me to “put my hands up” and not only did I raise my arms but I also began giving passersby incredulous looks.
“What? What! Why my hands up?!”
And these aren’t recent developments.
As a child, I ate sand because it tasted like salt and I frequently read an arbitrary 3rd grade science text book alone in the woods.
I told everyone my favorite color was light brown in kindergarten because I saw the opportunity to successfully trade in my reds and pinks for a brown crayon monopoly.
So now, it’s time to tag the blame and Indie rock fans, you get it because today I also traveled to Barnes and Noble, and what did I see there? I saw a table titled, “Humorous, Helpful and Odd.”
And now I want to write a book with that title. I want to write a book because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re a writer and because there are just so many damn shiny books in that store, what more will one hurt? Blue, pink, purple. All so shiny. And silver, yes silver. That’s the color I want my book to be.
I once bought a silver book that contradicted the theology I grew up with primarily because I thought I might be able to exchange it for a chocolate factory.
So little Indie rock fan who works at the Barnes and Noble in Plantation, Florida, it’s all your fault. You took your passion for carelessly named bands like Neon Indian and Vampire Weekend and you gave me hope with your arbitrary pairing of adjectives and books.
Hey, check this out. It looks like my feet are talking to each other when I move them like that.
LOL..woman you crack me up. But don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m slightly OCD, so I feel compelled when eating m&ms to eat the same amount on each side or it feels funny. And my sister and me, if you slap us on the arse (yes we do that on occasion, unexpectedly… the goal is to see who can do it hardest and scare the beejeezus out of the other) we both feel compelled to have it done on the other cheek too or it’s uneven. Sick I know. And when my boyfriend pops my toes, I cry if he only does one foot because the other feels lonely and left out. So see? You’re not alone in the world of weird.
C
Love it. Keep the weirdness alive, because it’s the new normal. Or something like that. That sounded good though, right?!
WOW, if you take Boy Toy Brad in for couples shots I will … … I don’t even know what kind of payment is worthy of such an immense action.
Maybe you could sponsor our dinner date afterward. I’m not sure which local restaurants will let us in..
Hi guys,
All your blogs are so humorous and entertaining. I’m always looking forward to reading them. So sand taste like salt? Very interesting. LOL!!!!
Kind regards,
Sam
X
Thanks Sam! I do NOT recommend sand. Salt is fairly affordable so stick with the real stuff.
bohzo
I love reading this blog. You always make me laugh. I am going to go join four square right now. Have a great day!
Bodewadmi
Thanks so much Bodewadmi. Happy to see you stopping by again
Yes! Just wait. You’ll be expecting to earn points for using the restroom soon.
No seriously? I do that all.the.time in the car. I love making people look at me funny. It gives me an extra boost of energy.
BFF. We would be great road trip partners. Just sayin.
I’m concerned and fascinated that I seem to be following all of your logic, Jenny…
Concerned and fascinated sounds like a great hybrid of sentiment.
bohzo Jen
Me again, I am being a pest, I am sorry. I just wanted to thank you for being so kind. I will name my first town after you and Mrs. H What kind people you are.
I think that you deserve to be mayor. you would get my vote . Do I really get points for using the bathroom? Because if I do, I will own the whole world.
You have a great day and smile twice for me. You have a real fan. I am sending a bunch of wild Native Americans to read this blog. I told them to be nice or else they will lose points.
Bodewadmi
Your writing is could totally be an Americanized Louise Rennyson. (And we are desperately in need of an American Louise Rennyson. Her British wit makes us seem drab and directionless.) So do it.
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