My New GPS is Like Mario Kart. And That’s a Bad Thing.

by Jenny McCoy on March 10, 2010

Men are notorious for refusing to stop and ask for directions.

I’m guilty as well, but my catalyst is ignorance, not will.

You see, I DON’T KNOW THAT I’M LOST.

That said, let me tell you about my evening.

Disclaimer: If you pay me money to do things for you, please stop reading.

At 6:03 p.m., I entered the address for a local social media meetup and pressed “route.” Two hours later (and one hour after the meet–up start time), I arrived with frayed nerves, fresh finger nail paint and a story.

My M.O. for Getting Lost (because it happens so often)

Some people get angry the first time they get lost. Not me. I have a three-attempt policy.

Failed Attempt #1: “Hah, I’m so bad at driving. Let’s try again.”

Failed Attempt #2: “Hah, man. Fooled again! You tricky, tricky roads. I’m gonna get you this time.”

Failed Attempt #3: Let’s just say..

  • There’s a lot of profanity
  • Some internal disbelief that I’m able to dress myself and hold down a 9-5
  • My ability to laugh is now lost along with my sense of direction
  • Oh and everyone driving a car is now “an idiot”
  • Also, internal threats to pull the car over begin
  • And when I see a cop pull out behind me, I am filled with hope, not fear. Can you really put a price tag on good directions?

Tonight, as Failed Attempt #1 drifted into my rear view, I decided to proactively avoid future failures. Because I don’t try to fail.

“I know,” I thought. “I’ll just download a GPS app on this beast.”

Two minutes later I was $0.99 out and one step closer to dignity. For most people, the story would end here, but as your scroll bar foreshadows, mine does not.

6:28 p.m.

I punched in my destination and asked my new GPS app to navigate.

“Ooo. A yellow AND a blue line. Fun.” I thought. “I wonder which one I should follow? Oh well, they’re both going the same way.”

6:34 p.m.

“Hmm the yellow and the blue line are separating. Guess the blue one is the right one since it’s not doing anything and I don’t see the yellow line anymore. Cool. I feel like I’m going west still though? Oh well. Gooo GPS. You’re so smart.”

6:48 p.m.

“Okay, that was a sign for Kendall. EFF my life.”

For those of you who are not familiar with South Florida. Here is a little diagram to show exactly how lost I was.

How My GPS App is Like Mario Kart (and that’s not a good thing)

As I once again tried to follow the yellow line of truth, I realized that my GPS app was essentially like Mario Kart. Sounds fun, right? Well, maybe I haven’t told you this, but I SUCK AT MARIO KART.

But still, Mario Kart picks up the victory because unlike my GPS, IT TELLS ME WHEN I AM LOST. You know that little ghost who comes and picks you up and puts you back on track? I like him. And after tonight’s two hour journey,  I’m certain that without him I’d still be sitting in front of a 1989 Panasonic with wood trim saying, “THIS is funnnnnnn!”

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