Men are notorious for refusing to stop and ask for directions.
I’m guilty as well, but my catalyst is ignorance, not will.
You see, I DON’T KNOW THAT I’M LOST.
That said, let me tell you about my evening.
Disclaimer: If you pay me money to do things for you, please stop reading.
At 6:03 p.m., I entered the address for a local social media meetup and pressed “route.” Two hours later (and one hour after the meet–up start time), I arrived with frayed nerves, fresh finger nail paint and a story.
My M.O. for Getting Lost (because it happens so often)
Some people get angry the first time they get lost. Not me. I have a three-attempt policy.
Failed Attempt #1: “Hah, I’m so bad at driving. Let’s try again.”
Failed Attempt #2: “Hah, man. Fooled again! You tricky, tricky roads. I’m gonna get you this time.”
Failed Attempt #3: Let’s just say..
- There’s a lot of profanity
- Some internal disbelief that I’m able to dress myself and hold down a 9-5
- My ability to laugh is now lost along with my sense of direction
- Oh and everyone driving a car is now “an idiot”
- Also, internal threats to pull the car over begin
- And when I see a cop pull out behind me, I am filled with hope, not fear. Can you really put a price tag on good directions?
Tonight, as Failed Attempt #1 drifted into my rear view, I decided to proactively avoid future failures. Because I don’t try to fail.
“I know,” I thought. “I’ll just download a GPS app on this beast.”
Two minutes later I was $0.99 out and one step closer to dignity. For most people, the story would end here, but as your scroll bar foreshadows, mine does not.
6:28 p.m.
I punched in my destination and asked my new GPS app to navigate.
“Ooo. A yellow AND a blue line. Fun.” I thought. “I wonder which one I should follow? Oh well, they’re both going the same way.”
6:34 p.m.
“Hmm the yellow and the blue line are separating. Guess the blue one is the right one since it’s not doing anything and I don’t see the yellow line anymore. Cool. I feel like I’m going west still though? Oh well. Gooo GPS. You’re so smart.”
6:48 p.m.
“Okay, that was a sign for Kendall. EFF my life.”
For those of you who are not familiar with South Florida. Here is a little diagram to show exactly how lost I was.
How My GPS App is Like Mario Kart (and that’s not a good thing)
As I once again tried to follow the yellow line of truth, I realized that my GPS app was essentially like Mario Kart. Sounds fun, right? Well, maybe I haven’t told you this, but I SUCK AT MARIO KART.
But still, Mario Kart picks up the victory because unlike my GPS, IT TELLS ME WHEN I AM LOST. You know that little ghost who comes and picks you up and puts you back on track? I like him. And after tonight’s two hour journey, I’m certain that without him I’d still be sitting in front of a 1989 Panasonic with wood trim saying, “THIS is funnnnnnn!”