R.B.’s Guide to Successful Fast Food Orders

Drinking beers poolside can lead to deep philosophical conversation. We may not have solved world hunger completely, but with R.B.’s help, I now know how to get fast food into my stomach with greater efficiency.

(Please refer to my Beer Drinking as it Relates to Intelligence Bell Curve for Additional Insight.)

The Problem: Fast Food Multitasking Leads to Both Delayed and Incorrect Order Fulfillment (a.k.a. World Hunger)

“What would you like?” – asks the Dunkin’ Donuts Donut Specialist.
“Can I get one chocolate frosted, one glazed…”

As you mention your second request, the Donut Specialist begins to multitask, often just out of normal speaking range. His multitasking ensures an 87% chance that you will need to repeat all secondary requests after the first item is placed in your branded paper bag.

Now, you have two choices.

1) Continue to rattle off your order while the Donut Specialist fulfills Item #1. By choosing this option, you acknowledge that “and a medium coffee, skim milk and two Splenda” will be spoken a minimum of two more times.
2) Implement R.B.’s Guide to Successful Fast Food Orders (a.k.a The Solution): “You order one item at a time. You wait until they put it in the system and when they say, “That’ll be $2.56. Can I get you anything else today?” you continue with the next item in your order. Just go on like that until you’ve ordered everything. They’ll act like you’re a complete pain in the ass, but you’ll get everything you order.” – R.B. Hirsch, November 22, 2009

Brilliant. And I thought old people at restaurants ordered like this because their full lives have made them human cocktails of forgetfulness and irrationality. My bad.