My name is Jenny. I am 24 years old and last weekend I brought sexy back in a $3 High School Musical swim suit.
You’re shocked, I know. Me too.
It only cost me $3 to bring sexy back. It cost Justin Timberlake about 2 years and $5 million.
So how did I become more awesome than Justin Timberlake?
Sit back and let me explain.
I’ll admit, I have never seen any of the High School Musicals 1-70 and barring some unforeseen hostage situation, (or a John Cusack cameo) I doubt I ever will.
But last weekend, faced with a beautiful day, good company, a beach invite and no bathing suit, I brought sexy back with this little get up.
High School Musical bathing suit, first worn by Jenny, now for sale – starting bid $5,689
This was no small feat, but I’m a gracious winner. So here are six things I learned in my defeat of Justin Timberlake:
1. Wal-Marts in Florida do not carry bathing suits in November. Rather, they alter their wardrobe offering to match the needs of states with more than one season despite the presence of perfect beach days 340 out of 365 days each year in Florida.
2. Should you ask one of Wal-Mart’s finest “Where are the bathing suits?” in November, she/he (maybe both?) will respond, “Right ova derr.. $30.. one pieces fer granmas.. teh heh.. ehh hehh heh..” and you will be sent to a rack that contains waterproof smocks. Terror will ensue as you envision an 80-year-old version of yourself responding to this selection with sparkling eyes and a loose wallet.
3. I am an XL little girl.
4. Being an XL little girl at age 24 is both flattering (bottom) and embarrassing (top).
5. XL little girl bathing suits do not come with boob padding. So when you leave 70 degree water and embrace a cool breeze, you will need to cover your boobs with your hands and quickly warn your friends, “So, I’m kinda cold..”
6. Despite the childish frills on little girl bathing suits, onlookers (a.k.a. friends who want birthday presents) may comment, “It actually fits you (laughter). Doesn’t look that bad.” This may make you think it was wrong to retire that two piece American flag-inspired Speedo from 5th grade. But you will be wrong. There was a reason that pool fashion incident was brought up mercilessly from age 10 to 17.
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