Dear Preggo Facebook Friends,
We have a problem.
I say “Congrats” when you finally expand on your vague “Exciting news..” status update, even though my first thought is “Oh shittttt. Another friend is procreating and I still cannot take care of a plant.”
I read about your diameter, the countdown of weeks left until you get to indulge in the most painful experience known to humans and many other things that I don’t understand.
I empathize with the stomach pains the developing human inside of you is causing (little asshole) by likening it to my last hangover.
I say “Aww. How cute!” and click “Like” when you put up photos of your uterus even though I’m slightly disturbed.
Give, give, give.
And what do you do? You continuously steal the bare midriff spotlight in my News Feed.
I mean, I used to be able to compete. But then I got a job and my dad accumulated more FB friends than me.
Here are a few photographic highlights from those excitingly bare years on the FB:
Example #1 - Random Party, 2004
Example # 2 – Spring Break, 2006
Example #3 – Volleyball, 2006
You know, I expected this type of competition from the 19-year-old freshmen who somehow “know” me well enough to be Internet friends. They are true attention whores; everyone knows that. Especially everyone who has already been 19 and female and in college.
But I expected more from you, you Preggos.
Motherhood is about nurturing and caring for someone other than yourself. So why not make that person me?
I don’t steal your food and make you puke. And I definitely don’t kick.
Thanks,
Jenny