If I could update Twitter for <$12 on the plane, these are the 14 life-changing thoughts I would have sent to the Internets..
1. First class on a discount airline. What kinda kicks do you actually get out of that?
2. If you are unaware that it is innappropriate and inconsiderate to write a 2,500 word essay on your cell phone with keypad noise activated, you should not be allowed to fly.
3. How do they measure the “you must buy two seats” thing? What if you really were just big-boned?
4. There are endless jokes when a friend goes into a Nut Store.
5. Why am I not allowed to listen to my iPod during the two parts of the flight when I’m most afraid of dying?
6. There are too many drink choices. Do I want to get hyper or drunk? Or both?
7. “Can I get a Heineken?” – Me “Would you like one or two?” – Flight attendant. “God, I’m glad we’re on the same track.” – Me (inside my head) “One” – Me (out loud)
8. Why did I have two cup holders on the first flight, and only one now?
9. Who do male flight attendants sleep with? Female pilots? Oh god.. they let women fly planes?!?
10. How many bathroom passes do I have before the aisle person stabs me with her pen?
11. I hope my car is still in the parking lot.
12. Voice modulation is very tough when you’re 20,000 feet in the air and your hearing is restricted by air bubbles.
13. How much do flight attendants get paid?
14. Eff!! I want pizza!!
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