If I could update Twitter for <$12 on the plane, these are the 14 life-changing thoughts I would have sent to the Internets..
1. First class on a discount airline. What kinda kicks do you actually get out of that?
2. If you are unaware that it is innappropriate and inconsiderate to write a 2,500 word essay on your cell phone with keypad noise activated, you should not be allowed to fly.
3. How do they measure the “you must buy two seats” thing? What if you really were just big-boned?
4. There are endless jokes when a friend goes into a Nut Store.
5. Why am I not allowed to listen to my iPod during the two parts of the flight when I’m most afraid of dying?
6. There are too many drink choices. Do I want to get hyper or drunk? Or both?
7. “Can I get a Heineken?” – Me “Would you like one or two?” – Flight attendant. “God, I’m glad we’re on the same track.” – Me (inside my head) “One” – Me (out loud)
8. Why did I have two cup holders on the first flight, and only one now?
9. Who do male flight attendants sleep with? Female pilots? Oh god.. they let women fly planes?!?
10. How many bathroom passes do I have before the aisle person stabs me with her pen?
11. I hope my car is still in the parking lot.
12. Voice modulation is very tough when you’re 20,000 feet in the air and your hearing is restricted by air bubbles.
13. How much do flight attendants get paid?
14. Eff!! I want pizza!!
Want to follow my grounded tweets? Add me! @workinonaramp
I wonder how many satellites and fios cables these tweets must travel through to get to my followers…..I wonder how many followers I have right this very second…why would someone unfollow me anyway?? I’m witty and fun and smart and witty….and fun……um, smart…..they probably wouldn’t even like me if they knew me….they’d totally hate my hair…I wonder if I have any followers who are trannies…now THEY would like me….the ones in New York would….I should go down to the city for the Halloween parade in the Village this year. I’ll see if christine wants to go. She won’t want to go. It’ll be all too much for her. Who else can I go with? I could just go by myself. Could you imagine? What would I be? God, it’s so hot in here. I wonder if this guy next to me is wearing underwear…I’ll bet he’s one of those convention-goers who wears women’s underwear. His wife would be appalled. Unless she likes it. I might like it. It depends. You still have to be a certain kind of guy to pull off women’s underwear. I gotta pee.
DubiousMa – love it! I just saw your comments on the ProBlogger forum.. somehow I stopped getting notifications about more comments on that thread after the first two.. but I hope you like the new look!