Offices should not have hallways longer than 10 seconds.
Let me explain.
Please look at Exhibit A.
Exhibit A. The Long Hallway: Stage 1
I am the lovely stick figure on the right.*
The stick figure on the left is any other diligent keystroker in my office.
Standard hallway etiquette calls for a wave upon first sight.
I have no problems with that.
It’s the next 15 seconds that transport me back to Socially Awkward Land (a.k.a. high school, or “the years before I met beer”).
Now, please look at Exhibit B.
Exhibit B. The Long Hallway: Stage 2
In Stage 2, I have exited “Standard Wave Zone” and been thrown into “Oh-shiz-what-do-I-say-do-for-the-next-15-seconds Land.”
It’s like advancing to the next level of the worst video game ever.
You see, all appropriate non-verbal communication (extra lives) were expensed in Stage 1.
And while each step brings me closer to acceptable speaking range, I’m left with only a handful of options for appropriate hallway speak.
1. Is it Friday yet?! (standard chuckles ensue)
2. Only [insert # of hours until 5:30] left! (Thank God! response follows)
3. How’s your department doing? (I love this one. My usual answer: “Oh you know, still marketing our products.. err ehmm. How’s yours?”
I don’t really have a solution for this office dilemma. Maybe, ya know, since many office jobs require you to drive somewhere and sit somewhere only to do something that requires little more than Microsoft Office and Internet access we could all just work from home, decreasing company overhead and improving company morale?
Call me crazy.
*Seriously, check out my fly stick figure hair. The stickly hottie on the left totally asked for my digits in The Long Hallway: Stage 3, but I got tired of drawing these damn diagrams.
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