Offices should not have hallways longer than 10 seconds.
Let me explain.
Please look at Exhibit A.
Exhibit A. The Long Hallway: Stage 1
I am the lovely stick figure on the right.*
The stick figure on the left is any other diligent keystroker in my office.
Standard hallway etiquette calls for a wave upon first sight.
I have no problems with that.
It’s the next 15 seconds that transport me back to Socially Awkward Land (a.k.a. high school, or “the years before I met beer”).
Now, please look at Exhibit B.
Exhibit B. The Long Hallway: Stage 2
In Stage 2, I have exited “Standard Wave Zone” and been thrown into “Oh-shiz-what-do-I-say-do-for-the-next-15-seconds Land.”
It’s like advancing to the next level of the worst video game ever.
You see, all appropriate non-verbal communication (extra lives) were expensed in Stage 1.
And while each step brings me closer to acceptable speaking range, I’m left with only a handful of options for appropriate hallway speak.
1. Is it Friday yet?! (standard chuckles ensue)
2. Only [insert # of hours until 5:30] left! (Thank God! response follows)
3. How’s your department doing? (I love this one. My usual answer: “Oh you know, still marketing our products.. err ehmm. How’s yours?”
I don’t really have a solution for this office dilemma. Maybe, ya know, since many office jobs require you to drive somewhere and sit somewhere only to do something that requires little more than Microsoft Office and Internet access we could all just work from home, decreasing company overhead and improving company morale?
Call me crazy.
*Seriously, check out my fly stick figure hair. The stickly hottie on the left totally asked for my digits in The Long Hallway: Stage 3, but I got tired of drawing these damn diagrams.
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Haha, hilarious. One more reasons why I hope I can make a living staying at home.
Oh me too. Awkward situation elimination is a primary life goal. Thanks for stopping by!
Totally Hillarious! Thanks for putting together some awesome content. Glad to find your blog through Blogussion.
Thanks Seth! I really appreciate it. Great article and I look forward to reading more.. Blogussion is on my RSS now.
Seriously, you are hilarious! You had me tearing up! Thank you!
DP.com hallway exclusive, haha!
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Our office is practically one long hallway. At it’s furthest point you probably have a good 30 seconds between the initial wave and the within speaking distance. I always hope people will duck into an office so we don’t have to endure the entire 30 seconds of pain (Truth be told: I’ve been known to make unplanned pit stops in random offices because I just can’t stand the torture).
That is awesome Steph! I do the look away, look back.. look at ground… consider escaping through staircase.
Hey Jenny, I was just reading your blog and got interested in the Awkward Section since I am a fellow awkward being. Inherited, by some ancestor, is this ability to make any situation weird by saying something completely inappropriate. Josh is quite the opposite and I'm very jealous of his ability to be funny and cool, but over the years I have come to accept the fact that I am always placed in those situations or I create them myself out of the need to be awkward. So here's a story of a hallway experience that happened my last week before retiring from work.
I worked in a building with a very long hallway. One time, this girl (who has had trouble conceiving for almost 4 years) sees me right after I found out I was pregnant. She came from the left hallway and I came from a conference room on the right. While walking down the forever and eternity hallway, she breaks the ice by bitterly saying “So I heard you're pregnant?” I respond in a raspy voice “yep, just found out.” She dryly comments “Well that's just great, I've been trying longer than you've been married.” I mumble “maybe you'll be pregnant soon too.” Then we finish the walk by BOTH going to the bathroom and then coming out at the same time to wash our hands in awkward silence at the sink area. I did not dare to even shoot a glance at the massive mirror.
Needless to say, I took the long route back to my cubicle.
Thanks again for stopping by Rachel! Note to self, “do not make comments about pregnancy in the work place…” haha.
Totally agree. Hate that.
But love your blog! Found you from your comment on blogussion. I'm subscribing now, really enjoy your humor.
Awesome Whitney! Happy to have a new subscriber