Monthly Archives: August 2009

Reflections at Denny's (Hungover)

8:09 a.m. [no thoughts] 8:10 a.m. Man, this is going to be delicious. 8:11 a.m. “I’ll take a water please.” Guess I should look at the menu. Why did everyone stare at me when I walked in? What? I have … Continue reading

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Excuse Me, Jello. No Awkwardness Allowed.

Excuse me, Jello. I know you’re trying to be all delicious in your sexy red dress. I see you shakin’ it. But, what.. is.. THIS? And what do I do with it? Lick it off? Sometimes I do. But accidental … Continue reading

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High School Athletics Shirt Designers: Please Stop Killing Semantics

I saw a woman wearing a high school athletic team shirt the other day. It read: LOSERS MAKE PROMISES WINNERS MAKE COMMITMENTS Right. Let’s compare. Promise (n). A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow. … Continue reading

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How to Prepare for the Best Cruise of Your Life, Part 1: Publicize the Sh*t Out of Your Fantastic Life Decision

You booked a cruise. And you’re pumped. But you have work to do before you sail into the sunset of debauchery. First things first. Congratulations. You made a fantastic life decision. You had the gusto to pay $300 to jump … Continue reading

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Awkward Office Situations, Episode 1: The Long Hallway

Offices should not have hallways longer than 10 seconds. Let me explain. Please look at Exhibit A. Exhibit A. The Long Hallway: Stage 1 I am the lovely stick figure on the right.* The stick figure on the left is … Continue reading

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