Ladies, I am here to help.
Unfortunately, many of you are overlooking a key component in your quest to win over the men folk.
And since I am happily single with no intent to breach my commitment to freedom anytime soon, I’m offering my crucial knowledge of this key component to you free of charge*, **.
This component is best illustrated. But I will indulge you with an explanation as well.
First, though. The illustration.
A. BOOB TO GUT RATIO EXPLORED VIA MICROSOFT PAINT
And now. The Explanation.
The Boob to Gut Ratio follows a simple 2:1 scale.
Scenario 1:
If you head to the bar to celebrate the rare necessity for a trip to B-Cup land and brag to no less than 3 of your friends on the way there, this is you.
Unfortunately, you must maintain as close to a 4-pack as possible. Unless, of course, you splurge on a little augmentation. In that case, you are most likely a candidate for Scenario 2.
Scenario 2:
If you have to double up on sports bras to protect your chin during work outs, this is you.
Put those running shoes aside. Call Papa Johns.
I mean, don’t get too crazy, but you are blessed with room to negotiate.
If you have an especially hot date, do some crunches. But honestly, he’s probably not going to be looking at your abs anyway.
Bonus Round
To further exemplify my generosity, here is the Boob to Ass Ratio (a 1:1 scale) illustrated.
B. BOOBS TO ASS RATIO EXPLORED VIA MICROSOFT PAINT
* PBRs would be greatly appreciated though, seriously.
**I do this in hopes that you industrious daters will continue to take all of the douche bags, leaving me with only the best of man material to choose from when I am ready to trade in my V6 for a mini-van.
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