T-Shirt Ideas, Episode 5: Put an End to B&N Creepers

Maybe this t-shirt will relay a simple message to single, bookstore loiterers. Although there is a membership club, the B&N is not actually a club.

I wanted to preview ‘Big Bang’ in peace while sipping a fancy, iced coffee blend.

Instead, I politely played 20 questions with Milton. A 50+ guy with a voice that could earn him a voice over job in Napoleon Dynamite sequels.

Do I play basketball?

Yes.

Am I from here?

No.

How long have I been here?

Almost a year.

Whatcha reading?

I was reading a book about the origins of our planet. But now, I’m talking to you, Milton.

And unfortunately, I have failed to think of a good enough reason not to give you my phone number. It’s just a little awkward now that all of these nice, silent, reading, coffee-drinking folks around us are now listening to our conversation. Relaying their sympathy in the form of turned pages and sighs.

Sure, I would love to play tennis sometime.

Here’s my actual number.

I would give you a fake number, but your aggressiveness thus far indicates that you’re a “Great, let me call you right now so you’ll have my number” kinda guy.

And unfortunately, since my phone was recently stolen, when you call on Tuesday (giving the standard 3 days, I see you workin’ it, playa), I will actually answer.

But as you introduce yourself, I’m going to throw into play a nice little number I call “my phone reception sucks.”

“Hey, it’s Milton, how’s it going?” – You’ll say

“Heyyy, gooood…. “- I’ll respond, reprimanding myself in my head for answering an unknown number.

“So how’s your week, you get a new phone? You said someone broke into your car, did they take personal belongings?” – You’ll continue.

“Yeah, they took some [click].”