Today, I laughed in a woman’s face. Yesterday, I made a comment that put Jennifer Aniston to shame. Tomorrow, I don’t even know. I may approach the man who tries to hand me a comedy club flyer everyday and question his motives. Because really, if he’s getting paid for the sheer number of flyers he hands out, I could show him to a dumpster and save him two hours of projected annoyance.

But let’s get back to today and my well-directed laughter. Many of you have asked if my new office has an awkward hallway. No, it does not. Our long hallways were generously designed with no fewer than 12 escape options.

What we do have though, is elevators. In case you’ve never been in one, let me explain something; elevators are cesspools of awkward behavior.* Those cameras aren’t for your safety. No, they’re not. Some effing genius has been recording the interactions in elevators since they started running and that guy is just a few edits away from a lifetime of margaritas and oily sand.

He will have his day, but today was mine. Today I sat on the opposing side of a social situation that often makes me wonder if that “muscles needed to smile vs. frown” ratio is situational. You see, somehow, I am one of just a handful of people who doesn’t laugh when someone manages to convince my almost-closed elevator door to reopen. This produces an awkward situation because the offender, who usually finds it hilarious, eagerly seeks to share this sentiment with one of the occupants.

“Just made it!” or “Close call!” he or she will laugh and rejoice.

And besides forced, faux laughter, I’m not sure what to offer.

Gratitude? Encouragement? Raisinets?

We’ll tackle the war another day though, because today the battle was mine. As the door closed, the intruder made her move. Too slow.

“Hah!” I immediately rejoiced.

“Hah! Hah!” I continued rejoicing as we traveled to our meeting one floor away. Oh sure, judge me. I’m sure many of you will. And that is why I leave you with a phrase I often think and sometimes verbalize in such situations, “Leave me alone. I’m a good person.” Take it. Share it. But don’t tell Jesus!

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